First day blues

I needn't of set my alarm as I spent most of the night half awake. So long before I actually need to leave the house I was up, washed and dressed in my new, blue, staff nurse uniform. ID badge: check, pen: check, nursing reference books (multiple): check.

Let me set the scene further, its mid-september 2012, I have just (as in 2 days ago) become a qualified nurse after completing 3 years of study. This is my first day of my new job. I know I am fortunate to have a job, some of my colleagues have not yet secured employment so I fully appreciate having a full-time, permanent contract.

I shall be working on a medical assessment unit, also known as acute medical units/emergency assessment units etc etc depending on where you work. The general idea of them is that patients who require further assessment are admitted to the ward while they undergo the tests and reviews that will decide which speciality they should be assigned to. This may be a slightly limited view and I'm sure there is more to it than my basic description implies! However,  having never worked on, or had a placement on such a unit puts me at a slight disadvantage.

For my first 2 weeks i will be supernumerary, i have been assigned an experienced nurse to work with while I find my feet. Everything about this experience is new to me and I feel somewhat out of my depth. Thankfully there is another newly qualified nurse starting with me so on my arrival that morning I head straight for her for some much needed moral support.

After hastily scribbling out the names of the patients on my ward I head to the staff room for handover. I am introduced to the team and try to resist the urge to run away screaming, I don't know why i feel like this, they all look like perfectly reasonable, friendly people. By the end of handover I am forced to plaster an inane grin on my face to hide my terror. The patients in my bay are ill! This may sound ridiculous but apart from a brief high dependency placement most of the patients I have cared for have been stable. So, on my first day I am faced with trying to figure out how to care for patients who could, at any minute, decide to deteriorate. I console myself with the fact that ill patients are less likely to abscond so I will hopefully not have to face that particular fear today (alongside the fear of the first "arrest" i also have a fear of my patient upping sticks and legging it off the ward).

I try my best, my mentor is brilliant but I find myself making stupid mistakes (like missing an entire page of a prescription chart), I spend most of the day in a blind panic, 2 weeks is not long enough to learn everything i need to know not to kill my patients. I don't think anyone notices though and before I know it, its home time. My feet have never hurt so much (my new shoes, despite my best attempts at breaking them in, have crucified the back of my heels - I shall be wearing plasters for weeks).

I am lucky to have a family who will listen to my ramblings so spend a constructive 30 minutes debriefing with my better half (also a health professional but with many years of experience under his belt). I sleep well that night. I am knackered.